HLE TAK TO JSOU MOJE VTÍPKY VIDÍTE ŽE BÁRT SE VÁLÍ SMÍCHY TAK SNAD BUDE TE I VY:o)Pepicek rika mamince: "Maminko, deti se mi ve skole smeji, ze mam velke zuby. Je to pravda?" "To vis, ze neni. Deti prehanej. Ale ted uz koukej zavrit pusu, abys nam neposkrabal parkety.")
Uvadecka stoji u pokladny a diva se na mladou divku, jez si prohlizi obrazky z noveho filmu, a povida ji: "Mas smulu, devce. Tenhle film je do patnacti let nepristupny..." "Mne je to fuk," nato devce. "Stejne nemam nikoho, kdo by mi pohlidal dite!"
| Malá Petruška přinesla domů poznámku: ?Je drzá a odmlouvá!? Druhý den si učitelka přečetla odpověď: ?To má po matce, zmlátil jsem je obě.? |
?90% z vás se určitě nedostane na střední školu.?
Po chvilce ticha se postaví jeden žák a řekne:
?Pane učiteli, vždyť nás tolik ani není.?
V hodině učitelka vykládá látku:
?Děti, ví někdo z vás, co je to pštros??
Ani jeden žák to neví, a tak vysvětluje:
?Pštros je taková velká slepice, velká asi jako já...?
Učitel vysvětluje:
?Jsou lidé s vysokým IQ a lidé s nízkým IQ. Ti co mají nízké IQ si to neradi přiznávají. Ukážeme to na jednom příkladě. Kdo z vás si myslí, že má nízké IQ, ať se postaví.?
Chvilku ticho, ale pak se postavil Pepíček.
?Tak dobře,? povídá učitel, ?Pepíčku, proč si myslíš, že máš nízké IQ??
?Já si to vůbec nemyslím,? odpovídá Pepíček, ?ale by hloupé, abyste v celé třídě stál sám.?
Učitelka se ptá dětí ve škole: "Děti co nám dává husa?".
Přihlásí se Moricko:
"Škvarky".
"A co ještě nám dává husa?" ptá se učitelka Moricka.
"Škvarky".
"To už si říkal. Trochu ti pomůžu." naléhá učitelka.
"Co má tvoje máma pod hlavou, když spí?"
"Ruku" odpovídá Moricko."A co má tvůj otec pod hlavou, když spí?" ptá se trpělivě
dál paní učitelka.
"Noviny" odpovídá Moricko.
"A co míváš pod hlavou ty?"
"Polštář."
"A co je v polštáři?"
"Peří."
"No! Takže co nám dává husa, Moricku?" ptá se učitelka.
"Škvarky!"
Pepíček sa vrátí ze školy a maminka se ho ptá: "Líbilo se ti poprvé ve škole?" "Ano." "Zkoušelo se?" "Ano" "Přihlásil si se?" "Ano." "Vyvolala tě paní učitelka?" "Ano." "A věděl si?" "Ano." "A co se tě ptala?" "Kdo si prcl?"
- Slyšela jsem, že Váš syn studuje na univerzitě.
Co z něho bude, až skončí ? - ptá se známá
paní Novákové.
- Obávám se, že důchodce.
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